What language do you speak?

My husband and I have been together almost 10 years.  That’s a long time! However, over the course of our relationship, Josh and I have realized we haven’t always spoken each other’s Love Language.  Before we were married we were given the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It took quite awhile before either of us actually read the book, but it has done wonders for our relationship and has helped us better understand each other. You normally “give” love the way you like to “receive” love, but like anything that is not always how the other person likes to receive it.  So Josh and I are going to give you an overview of the 5 love languages and what they mean to us.

Words of Affirmation
“I love you.” “Thanks for all you do.”  These are the words you like to hear.  You feel loved when you hear sincere compliments and acknowledgement of work well done.

(H) This is my number 1 love language.  I love and feel loved when he acknowledges that I do a good job, or he likes dinner and I especially love when he compliments me in front of others.  It makes me feel special and like he’s proud of me.  However, if he doesn’t say anything, I often wonder if I’ve done something wrong.

 (J) This is important to me to an extent. I like knowing that she thinks I’m a good provider or that I am a good dad, but it is not something I need to hear all the time.

Quality Time
This is all about one-on-one time without distraction. Whether it’s a date night or just sitting on the couch and talking.   You feel most loved when it’s the two of you being together. 

(H)  This is also important to me, but not as much as you would sometimes think. I do LOVE spending time with Josh in the car, at the store, on the couch after the kids go to bed. But I am also okay with co-existing, being in the same room doing our own things.  I have realized this is one that if I don’t have a date night with him in awhile I feel disconnected.

(J) I love spending time as a family, driving around neighborhoods, looking at houses and dreaming about our future, or having dance parties, or just me and the wife sitting and watching “our” show after the kids go to bed.

Receiving Gifts
This is not to be mistaken for materialism It can be little notes, a flower or some small token off affection that make Gifts people feel loved. It’s the thought behind the gift that counts a last minute gift will not cut it.

(H)  This is one of the ways I SHOW love.  I have often made Josh gifts that I feel are “special”.  I made him a video to announce our first pregnancy, books of him and the kids, photos with the letters D-A-D for Father’s Day and so on.  What’s interesting is Receiving Gifts is the lowest ranked on my list.  I think it’s more my wanting to be creative than anything, thankfully this is one of Josh’s top love languages.

(J) This is my 2^nd highest.  I am not an overly emotional person, but I do love memories, especially family ones.  I love receiving gifts from the kids (books, videos, photos, etc.) that my wife has made for me.  Although because I am also not a man of many words, I often don’t tell her how much I LOVE these gifts.  Gifts to me can also mean a new watch, sex, or the wife taking the kids while I watch the football game.

Acts of Service
Is your spouse doing the dishes sexy? Or the laundry?  It’s not that you can’t do these things for yourself, but the offer and help makes you feel loved. You feel loved when someone does the things that can’t be avoided and eases the burden of everyday living.

(H)  I am probably in the minority here, but this ranks pretty low for me.  I grew up where being organized and having a clean house wasn’t a priority, spending time together was.   Josh is actually main cleaner in our house and while I greatly appreciate all he does, it not a turn on for me!

(J) For me nothing shows me love more than showing me that you respect the things we have been given and worked hard for. Taking care of the house and laundry always gets me turned on.  I love when I come home from work and the laundry and dishes are done and the toys are put away.

Physical Touch
Although it can, this doesn’t have to mean sex.  It also doesn’t mean someone who expects a lot of PDA (public displays of affection). Hand holding, hugs, cuddling and other forms of physical contact create that strong emotional bond.

(H) My number 2 love language is this! For me, this is not sexual at all in nature.  I love hand holding, a hand around my waist while walking in a store, or cuddling in bed at night.  The interesting thing for me, and probably the frustrating thing for Josh is that I love to touch and be physical, but I am not the most sexually driven person, which can be difficult for him.  Sometimes I want a cuddle and kiss, to JUST be a cuddle and kiss.

(J) This is at the bottom of my list, except for sex.  I really struggle with physical touch. Not that it’s not important to me, but I have a hard time trying to show my wife physical touch without making it sexual. I’ve never been into hand-holding or hugging.  Since I struggle with this sometimes I will show no physical touch to prevent trying to turn it sexual.

Do you know what your love language is? What about your spouse’s?  It’s astounding how much changes when you understand how to make someone else feel loved.  It amazes me that when I  scrub the bathroom, something so simple and unpleasant, it can make Josh feel like I love him so much.  The interesting thing is once you have read and identified these in yourself, you will also begin to be able to identify them in your child.  We have already started to realize Mia has a very strong need for words of affirmation.  I am excited to see how she develops in these areas in the next couple of years.

If you would like to find out what your love  language is you can take a free assessment at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/ . Stop back and let us know what your LOVE LANGUAGE is? Is it what you thought it was?